What is filling me besides Jesus?

I have had this swirling around in my mind for 2 months - since I got back from our Home School National Tournament. And it is just as clear now as it was then.

Coaching volleyball is a very satisfying activity for me. Even on days when I may not feel like going to a practice, match, tournament, camp, or private lesson, I still love it. When I get into the gym the world outside stops just as it did for me 25 years ago when I knew I should coach. I love being in the gym and helping girls get better.

Because I love it so much, it can be hard sometimes when it is over. Sometimes I come home and I don't know what to do next because what I was just doing was so great. Or maybe it wasn't that great but it's easy to keep thinking about it. What do I do now?

We are all trying in some way to find some sort of satisfaction in life. And often this can also become an idol. I have spent many days, weeks, years, battling with playing and coaching volleyball being an idol in my life and finding my identity only in that. God has patiently stripped away layer after layer and keeps reminding me that my identity is in Him as a child of God.

So, here's the funny part...after a tournament I always want to have a really satisfying meal. Even though I'm not burning nearly as many calories as when I played, I'm tired and I want something good to eat. This usually means something fattening but not sweet.

After I got back from Nationals in November, I did that. But this time I kept eating. It was like volleyball was over and I kept trying to fill myself with something. And guess what - I was never satisfied - EVER! I know good and well that only my relationship with Jesus can completely satisfy my hungry soul and ultimately my belly. But instead of asking Jesus to fill my emptiness after the emptiness of the season was over, I kept eating. It was so strange and not strange at the same time. I was thinking back to the year before. Money was really tight for us at that time I spent a lot of time trying to find something that I could do to make some money at home. I was filling myself with looking for information.

I have asked myself a few questions about this:

Am I placing my identity too much in being a coach - AGAIN?

Am I not spending enough time keeping company with Jesus to remind myself that only He can fill me?

Why am I allowing myself to do this instead of ask Jesus to help me?

One of our main mantras this past high school season with the Royals was "Who is your rescuer?" And I recognize that in myself right now. Whatever emptiness I feel in my soul, nothing, absolutely NOTHING, will fill my soul like spending time with Jesus and filling myself with Him.

John 6:35 "Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst.'"

#coachforhisglory