Parenting and Coaching Part 1

I put Part 1 on this because I'm sure there will be many similarities to coaching as I grow in my parenting. I just want to comment on a few ways that I think coaching has helped my perspective on parenting so far. I can only expect them to know what I have told them. I have been saying this for years as a coach especially when I coach younger girls. I can't expect them to know where to go on the court or how to play a particular ball or how to respond in a different situations unless I have taught them. Obviously, this is the same with parenting. Everything that our boys learn is being taught to them, mostly by us. There are so many times that Cole does something that I have to remind myself that I haven't told him he can't do. Or I want him to do something that I haven't showed him. I LOVE watching all the learning going on in my house. As many problems as I can anticipate and manage in advance the better. In the Royals program and every year on my club team, I have certain things in place to prepare for drama that might arise. Many of these things have to do with relational issues. For example, with the Royals I have rules for who they may partner with when all three teams are all together as a group. This forces all the girls to get to know each other and helps them not play favorites. With club I am very specific about how the girls interact with each other, not allowing phones at tournaments, etc. to encourage them to get to know each other. So with parenting, I try to do this as well. Many things right now have to do with safety and what we do and don't want the boys playing with around the house. Also, when we go places, telling Cole in advance what the expectations are. For example, he likes the “kid” carts when we go to the grocery store. I don't buckle him in but I tell him that if he reaches for things on the shelves I will buckle him in. And yes, I have had to buckle him in several times. How I respond to situations is how they will respond to situations. I'm not gonna lie...I tend to be harsh sometimes. This is something the Lord has been working on me for many years. There have been many times that I have responded to situations on the court (too many missed serves) and off the court (forgetting your shoes at the hotel) too harshly. In both of these situations (and many others!) girls are already mad at themselves, embarrassed, or frustrated. When I respond harshly, this only increases their stress. I have really worked on this over the years and asked God to help me be more gentle. So, for the most part, I think God has given me the ability to be calm and patient with Cole (we will see when Ethan gets older!). When he gets frustrated or upset or says he can't do something, I try to speak calmly and gently. I hope it helps! Maybe because I have been dealing with major and minor drama from teenage girls the perils of a toddler seem very small. And right now, it's mostly very sweet.